Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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