It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
