So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
