Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
