Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
