oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
