there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
