his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just pee around me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
