So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
