i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
