i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
