everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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