cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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