And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
