In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
