guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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