I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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