I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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