I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
