she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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