Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
