Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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