how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't deserve a penis
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
