nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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