i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
