In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
