she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
