i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
