Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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