So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
