I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
