I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
