Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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