How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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