I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
