i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
