Can Purell be used as lube?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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