i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
