Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
