I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
