Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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