so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
