last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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