That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will be naked everywhere
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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