just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
