i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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