he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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