i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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