The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm at about main and main street
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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