Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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